I started reading Romans on January 1, 2013. It has been a very interesting journey to say the least. There are so many wonderful thought provoking tidbits and giant nuggets. I have never spent an entire year reading a whole book before. At times I get bogged down as I feel like I couldn't possibly be getting anything more out of a chapter having read it 50 times....I KNOW this is not true though and push on...making myself focus. In this I have learned somethings about my own personal faith that I did not know before. Here are some excerpts from my devotion journal for Romans.
From June 18 on Romans 4:
This chapter talks about the faith that comes from God that is in God. It is not faith in self that comes from self. The world is full of talk about "believe in yourself". The kids love to watch "Arthur". Oh! the song at the beginning...."believe in yourself cause that's the place to start"...gets a rant out of me. (my words now: I think they are quite clear on the truth concerning this point now). Faith, as the world defines it, is faith in self or a self made image of god and is completely based on one's ability. This whole chapter makes it clear that I am incapable of maintaining a level of righteousness that God requires in my own strength and ability. "For if Abraham was justified by works, he has something to boast about, but not before God. for what does the Scripture say? Abraham believed God and it was credited to Him as righteousness." Rom. 4:2-3. My only options are to either continue in my own strength and believe the lie that I can do it or believe, not just in God, but rather believe God. Grasping onto God who supersedes my own abilities exponentially. This is supernatural faith. A faith that in no way I am able to conjure up. I can try to muster it up...and in the worlds eyes it may look like I am full of faith. How often do I do this? So many say of so many others...."you are so strong!". Hmmm. Am I so strong that I can look for all the world like I have faith? I think I would rather be weak and have Him be strong in me. I want just enough ability to maintain release into His hands. Lord, help me...remove the cloak of my own righteousness and teach me how to put on Christ everyday and leave the work to You!
From April 21 on Romans 5:2
What does faith look
like for me? I like the acronym: Forsaking All I Trust Him. This means
to me that faith in Christ means that everything I do completely rides
on Christ coming through for me. I don't exercise this kind of faith
near enough because I don't make many steps in my life that I need this
kind of faith. I stay well within the realm of what I believe I can
control or so I think. And so I could just leave this country and go
on some missionary trip, I suppose. With my dietary issues that would
definitely be placing my life in His hands....hahaha. But don't feel
called. I don't feel called to start a big ministry. And I don't think
it's right to make up a calling just so that I can feel like my life is
bigger than what I can handle and so therefore my faith must be bigger.
Nope...don't think this is what God intends. Got to work it out though so here goes: I am left with the
thought that I must place all those little things of the day into His
hands, surrendering all my mundane life issues that upset me to Him. The things in life that don't fit into my idea of being in control. Ahhh...the definition of submission rolled into the bigger picture of faith. Submission is letting go of my control and trusting in the control of something or someone else. Here I see the ugly stronghold in my life. My faith is not hindered by the fact that it is being challenged by a ministry, per se, but rather by the fact that I have trouble surrendering many of life's little challenges to Him. I have had the ministry. I honestly don't see how that helped or hindered my growth in my faith in Christ in and of itself. But God gave me that calling for that time and hopefully I surrendered in it and grew. Ah ha.. The growth comes not through the calling but my ability to surrender within it whatever that calling may be. Be it planting a church, or starting a ministry or sitting quiet for a period of life, I need to learn the act of submission within it or surrender of control and faith that I don't have to wonder why or what or whatever ..this is where I am at...the verse goes on to say..."this grace in which we stand.." So though I am "sitting" it out, for a lack of a better term, for a period of time, I am still to stand in the grace of God in surrender. There is no time out and I am not really sitting on the sidelines and watching the game. Luke 16:10-13: "He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much". So am I here because I was unfaithful? Maybe..I have definitely made some big mistakes, but I don't see it as negative. What the Lord defines as "much" and what I define as "much" are completely different I am sure. Human beings are so limited in our quantitative or even qualitative approach. I think that the Lord, in His goodness and graciousness, and has an approach all of His own. Thank You Lord...I love You!
From May 22 on Roman 4:19:
This is really a very inspiring scripture on faith. Abraham considered the facts. The fact was he was 100 years old...the fact was Sarah had never bore children even in fertile years. How much less would it be possible when she is well beyond child bearing years? The fact was that God had promised him to be a father. But it also goes onto say that in his consideration of the facts, Abraham did not waiver in faith. He considered the facts but did not allow them to change his level of belief that, no matter what God could fulfill the promise; despite any circumstances. Lord help me...I need this kind of faith to be pleasing to You.
So anyway, I mostly just want to inspire anyone out there who might read this to read the scriptures regularly in a way that keeps you in the full counsel of the scriptures and then journal.....it is life changing. Journalling allows a mind to sort out the jumble of thoughts and emotions and helps to get them down in a form that is orderly. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:5: "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ". Journaling helps to fulfill this. I don't know about you but when I read something I have read so many times before, the words become blurry and I am scanning over them in an absentee mind sort of way. When I am journaling, however, this helps to overcome this. So reader...journal away!
