Being a Christian

     As a mom, I really want to do the best I can do for my kids and be there for them as much as I can.  I want to be a good wife and keep my house clean and laundry done.  On the other hand, I have these callings that God has placed on my life plus not to mention that I have to help earn an income for our household.  Because of my Celiac Disease, food allergies, and my families miscellaneous food issues, I cook three meals a day from scratch on most days.  Does this sound familiar to your life with your own unique challenges?  Some weeks, I admit, that I  get stressed out with the pressure of everything that I have to do.   I have experienced long periods of time where my attitude is way less than desired.  When life gets this way, I have cried out to the Lord for help.  I ask Him how I should juggle and what I should do.  Should I quit my volunteer ministry work at the Women's Correctional Facility?  Should I just let my house go and let it get dirty?  I know that I can't quit my job and I won't quit my family.  Where does that leave me? 
     Some time ago the Lord began to speak to my heart about the way He wants me to live my life.  He began to give me an image of my life as a blank canvas.  Because of my attitude at the time, I was seeing myself painting big black ugly streaks across the expanse before me.  The next day, I would receive another white canvas cause I'd messed up the one from the day before; I would again grab for the ugly black marker and angrily scar up the sheet.  This process repeated.  One day, a few months ago, the Lord gave me a vision for what I could do instead.  Everyday is new and fresh "with no mistakes in it" (a quote from "Anne of Green Gables"...by the way is an awesome movie).  The Lord tells us in His word:
     Lamentations  3:22-23--"The LORD'S  lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,  For His compassions (or mercies) never fail.  They are new every morning ; Great is Your faithfulness."

Well, I gathered that the Lord wanted me to purpose newly everyday with this blank canvas to make it as beautiful as I could.  Though being no artist, the best I envisioned was a canvas with streaks of bright and beautiful colors.  With every opportunity that He gave me, I needed to make the most of those opportunities.  This realization really stirred up joy in me and gave me a bounce to my step and I would do well and keep this mentality for several days....then something would happen and my attitude would crash again.  The enemy is so good at realizing when we are making right choices.  They do everything in their power to try and screw that up for us.  Though, I must say too, that sometimes the enemy doesn't have to do anything at all and they just stand by and applaud as I do their willing all by myself.  But God....(don't you love "But God" statements?) in His great mercy, would remind me and add a little bit too of what His desire was for me.   I would repent and start over again.   This cycle repeated itself for many months.  Each cycle I would go a little longer with the right mindset and less time with the black marker.  I had almost gained victory, I could feel myself inching closer. 

    A few weeks ago, my husband made a declaration for us as a family.  There would be no more complaining....himself included.  He had strongly sensed from the Lord that we had grown to be a family of complainers.  He was convicted that we had become like the Israelites in the dessert.   Their complaining had become synonymous with idolatry....ewww...when he spoke these truths to us....I knew he was right and I knew that this was what was holding me back from complete victory in this area of my life.    I spent the whole next day grieved by my horrible complaining.  I prayed all day, at my jobs and at home, asking for God to give me the supernatural ability to stop groaning and complaining.  I knew that in and of myself I was incapable of stopping this behavior.  All I knew to do was to take each moment a step at a time and trust that the Lord would give me the guidance and help I needed to have mini-victories. 

   Since then, I have discovered a freshness to my life.  Although I get physically tired, I no longer seem to struggle with "all that I have to do".    I still have my moments that I fail....I quickly repent and get back on track (isn't that what being a Christian is all about?).   I gotta do what God has called me to do!  I am learning to give myself to the Lord and to paint that canvas with beautiful colors at that moment; whether it be in selling a pizza to the pre-teen at school, to calm a crying child, to drive according to the limits of the law, to bake waffles and fix dinner for the 10,000th time or to listen to a woman who has lost everything for the third or fourth time.  It is in this that "I can do all things through Him that strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13).